I have always loved the fall time. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still a student, but that feeling of starting over and being better always hits me harder in September then it does at the start of the New Year. It’s a time for reflection – where was I a year ago? Am I in a better place or have I been stagnant?
And I’m happy to say that I have accomplished so much more than I would’ve thought in a short span of time. I’m on my way to graduating, I’ve interned at incredible companies and have had unforgettable opportunities. But despite all of that, I feel like I’m disappointed in myself.
I made a pledge to seek the Lord more in my daily life and not just when I needed something from him. I wanted to immerse myself in his word and live my life wholly for him and his glory. But the more I look at what I’ve been doing, it seems like he has taken a back seat in my life, as always. How selfish and ungrateful to not give all of myself to my creator. I want so much to open my heart to him and live according to his plan but I feel as if my faith isn’t strong enough.
It’s a hard thing to admit, especially living in a house where my mother and sister’s faith is written plainly in every part of their lives. It’s hard to talk to them about what I’m feeling because mostly, I don’t know what I’m feeling.
I guess with everything, it’s going to take time. To live in his word, I have to learn and study his word. It’s just that simple. Sit down and crack open my bible and read. I’m going to make a new promise to myself and hold myself accountable for my weak relationship with the Lord.
I’ve been blessed with a new season. It’s going to be a season of reflection, a time for growth and for shedding my old skin.